Revised

This is what I look like most of the time, attempting to speak and understand Chinese.

(Thanks to G for the photo.)

I have to say, I laugh a lot, but sometimes this town is also really frustrating. The city is dirty and it takes a long long time to communicate. I miss the country. Today was really smoggy and everything seemed to go wrong. I went to the park to boulder in hopes of changing my perspective and was pretty much immediately surrounded by a large crowd. Someone put on some really loud Chinese pop techno-music and while the kids were really cute, the many Chinese men smoking and watching were not.



But, then things happen... like the other day I asked a woman on the street which direction I should walk to get to another part of town and she accompanied me to the bus stop, told me which to take, and how many stops it was. She smiled and was so nice. 56 years old and 3rd generation Beijinger, she restored my faith in the kindness of people. Her adorable 3 year old grand-daughter was not so excited about this extra little walk but still said, "Goodbye Auntie!" in Chinese when they left me.



Anyway, I'm going to get out of town for a bit before I start working. Hi to all you east coast family! and I'll be back in a week.

Daybreak

There is something about partying until the sun comes up. Though I didn't have that intention, really, when the night began, I felt some sort of dignity, peeking at the ever lightening street through a stranger's living room curtains.


The China Doll is a three story club on SanLiTun, the foreigner's bar street. First floor: bar and lounge. Second floor: the dance club. Third Floor: VIP lounge. The walls are back-lit photos of mostly naked men and women underwater and floor lamps have risqué oil paintings for shades. Drinks, including water, start at 35RMB.

Really looking forward to the music and excited about wearing new shoes, when XG and I arrived at CD I confidently told the large man in charge that I had tickets waiting. He conferred with a few people via radio and then I heard the words I never really knew I wanted to hear, but made me feel like a million dollars.

"She's on the list."

HA!



The ambiance was classy, the sound system quality, and not too loud, and I got to satisfy my Drum and Bass hankering right away with the opening DJs. They were skilled and I couldn't stop dancing/drumming different rhythms/trying to figure out how they were mixing. Downstairs two guys were spinning good ol' funky and minimalist house (think DJ Fatpea) at a small table in the lounge, so when I'd had my fill of D&B, I just switched floors. The tables slowly filled (800RMB minimum charge to sit) and I met some interesting foreigners who gave me advice about bars, music, and how to live in Beijing. I feel that getting along in this city is like a puzzle and all the other ex-pats are older siblings telling me which pieces go where.



By 12 am, the second floor was packed. Sweaty ravers bumped up against each other covering the whole floor. When Logistics came on, all hell broke loose and I got some good dance therapy along with stunning looking people of all nationalities. African men, Russian women, and Chinese models mixed on the floor.


I have never, ever in my life, seen so many beautiful people in one place. Ever. It was almost too much.


Though XG is more of a rock fan, he faithfully hung out until around 2 am when we decided to head home. It had been a good night. Walking to get some food, I saw that my new Canadian friend, G, had called several times and I'd missed her. It was late but I tried anyway and lo and behold, she was at the doll. XG went home and I went back.



Now, normally, I feel very shy just up and talking to strangers. But this girl is so warm and friendly, she sort of makes everyone feel comfortable and open. After meeting some of her friends, we went wild, posing for photos in the special booth, dancing like Bret from Flight of the Concords, and handing out off color dares. A man from Australia thought I was someone Nahtassa and I went on to tell him about my job as a nautical engineer. It was great.



Cyantific spun until around 3 or 4 and at 5 I found myself in the VIP lounge speaking all in Chinese with an urban planner working in QingHai. Though my vocabulary and literary Mandarin still need a lot of study, conversations are O.K. I love hearing people's stories, what they're doing in their lives and why, and finding out more to this amazing City. D is the youngest of three and a scorpio. When our little group decided it was time to go, we went to his comfortable flat for some arrested development, jazz, and flaming B52s. (I drank fire!) He told me the huge building I've been drawn to is the new CCTV tower. We talked about the media and the government and he explained a bit of how the country runs. I asked him what he thought of Beijing, and while he likes the countryside best, he asserted that Beijing is developing impressively fast and is special because it boasts both modern and traditional attractions and mentalities.



Walking to get a cab with G as the sun came up, I could only think again how much I love this place. I meet people from all over the world; a PhD student from North Carolina, an Artist from Spain, a sculptor and a diplomat from England, an accountant from Beijing. I'm surrounded by the most amazing feats of human imagination and can talk about them using one of the oldest languages in the world. I worry a bit that the lack of nature and abundance of electronics in my life right now will addle the brains, but I guess they are already pretty scrambled. I really wanted to take a picture of the sun coming up over the city this morning, but alas, the battery had died hours ago. So I was forced to enjoy the view without technology. It was good.

Saturday in the Park

Though I happily could have stayed inside all day playing guitar and reading, I figured I should probably go outside.




So I took the subway two stops down and explored Ritan park. Unlike parks in America, which are often open expanses of grass, in Chinese parks, there are lots of things to do.




Like give yourself a back-massage.



Exercise equipment, like slides or swings in America, litter parks and street sides everywhere. Pull-up bars, Gazelle type machines, and benches for leg lifts and sit ups are installed beside ping pong tables and badminton courts. Folk also come to practice tai chi, sing, play go, and fly kites.

And I laughed out loud happy when I saw this. Free bouldering...I'm so glad Chris recommended I bring my shoes.

It was a good choice to leave the apartment.

好完儿！

I had sort of forgotten how much fun China can be.


Last night XG, (my Chinese friend/tutor/tour guide/guardian angel) and I went and saw a rock show at the venue called Mao. There were five bands playing punk to post rock, lots of smoking, and by the end of the night, more waiguoren (foreigners) than Chinese. I haven't been to rock show in years and had a lot of fun. Between studying on my own and hanging out with XG, my 中文 is getting better by the day.


More fun: I went shopping today, which I normally avoid. But having won tickets to a party at club China Doll this weekend to see DJs Cyantific and Logistics,
I decided it might be nice to have something besides hiking boots or sneakers on my feet. Walking around the silk market was a bit overwhelming, but in the end I came away proud of my bargaining and with a few fake brand-name goodies in tow. I got to speak a lot of Chinese and found the people working there to be very nice, once I took off my headphones and started talking to them. (I've discovered that wearing large headphones is very practical: they deter unwanted conversation, keep my ears warm, and if I choose, sometimes allow me to listen to conversation the surrounding people assume I can't hear. And of course, they deliver spirit lifting music and thought provoking prattle.)



Before shopping, I met up with a local Frenchmen I'd come in contact with on thebeijinger.com, the ex-pat website where I won the tickets. He moved to Beijing two years ago and told me a lot of very useful information, such as always look at the toilet of a place you're thinking of renting first. This is the best way to gauge the quality of an apartment or office. Also that I should divide whatever they're asking for at the silk market by 10, and that there are 400 million people with internet access in China. He related some of his experiences owning a company and working for Macintosh, and explained that you must be Chinese or have a Chinese business partner to have a company that sells products in China, but not services. Hmmm.

He also observed that there are basically two types of foreigners in China, those that like it, and those that don't. He encouraged me to just be positive, and I'd be one of the ones that enjoys it. 当然呢！

On Vacation

Today I actually set an alarm and got up before 9. At first I was rather annoyed, and then I remembered how different cities are in the morning, and how much I like them. Not a lot of stores were open and when I passed people on the street, part of me thought, "Ah, another morning person!"



The reason I was up early was to go to the Tianzhe temple, in the west hill suburbs of Beijing. I think this came about after sharing with a Chinese friend that I wanted to travel somewhere, but being told that it's apparently impossible to get tickets BACK to Beijing if you go far away right now.
So I think my friend arranged for us to go on a mini trip to the temple. I'm beginning to realize more and more how little I actually understand this culture and how often I think I know what is being said when I really don't.

Thank goodness for me there isn't as much of that strict polite propriety nonsense you find in some other cultures.

(Suburban sculpture.)



Driving from the very edge of Beijing to the temple, it was the first time I saw green since coming to China. I hadn't realized how much I missed the natural world being constantly surrounded by man's ego. I felt such solace and joy gazing on the mountains. And also wonder, observing the terraced corn fields, twisted rock, and nuclear power plants side by side.


Tainzhe Buddhist temple was built in 307 CE and the saying goes "First there was Tianzhe and then there was Beijing."

China is officially an atheistic country. While crossing a bridge between a cave and a temple house, two in our lot started talking about religion and monks and decided that being a monk was just like being anything else; it was a profession. Against my better intelligence, I've always kind of liked religions and spirituality. Even having just watched the Zeitgeist section on it, I was still a bit taken aback when the boys in our group found a secluded place to smoke, even though there were signs everywhere forbidding it, and left the stubbed butts where they fell.



(Giant incense coils.)

It was rather cold and windy at the temple to start, but also quite lovely. Many people had come to pay respects for the New Year; there was much incense lighting, money spending, and bowing. I had a most pleasant time walking through the beautiful temple grounds being an assiduous English teacher, (Say it again. No, again. Apple! Good!) and receiving equally scrupulous Chinese instruction. I discovered that there really are more than four or even five tones to Mandarin, if you count the neutral and you pay attention. This has been very helpful.

I also convinced some of the people I was with that one boy in our party had taught me an extremely rude word, when in fact I learned it a long time ago from some girlfriends. They all had a good time teasing him and he became thoroughly embarrassed but by the end of the day had remembered when and why he'd taught it to me and why it was O.K. So that was fun, and again I find myself grateful for humor that transcends culture.


Also today I ate some of the fruit skewer things that I always thought were tomatoes. It turns out they are Chinese Hawthorns and delicious. Much better than the cow's lung, squid tentacles, and in-translatable white animal pieces in our hot-pot lunch.

Sunday

The city is still rather quiet, people still on vacation in their hometowns for a few more days. Yesterday was a very good day; I borrowed a guitar, bought long underwear (hooray!), and spoke so much Chinese I found myself THINKING in 中文, not English. Only dreaming to go now.

Last night I went to KTV, or kareokee, with some new Chinese friends.
A few months ago in Wisconsin I heard an episode of radiolab about music and there was small segment on perfect pitch. A female professor from California had conducted a study that concluded about 7/10 of Chinese children have perfect pitch, while a much, much smaller percentage of American kids do. (Like 3/10?) Anyway, after spending a couple hours in a small, dark, smoky room with very loud, very bad speakers playing dumb-downed musical renditions of old Chinese and American pop songs that seemed to have no rationale for selection and were accompanied by the most baffling videos possible, I found myself really wishing it was 100% of people everywhere. That would have been one agreeable ingredient. Alas. As usual, there's not a lot to do but laugh in that sort of situation, and the folk I went with were all lots of fun so we laughed together.



This is a photo of my so far favorite building in Beijing. It always calls to me, I'm not sure why. When I shared this with a friend he said, "Because it looks impossible." And suddenly, I understood why people think it's easy it is to do ANYTHING in China. Though there's lots of hoops to dance through, everything in this country seems to be saying Yes! to change, development, and imagination. As long as you can pitch it through the government, you'll probably find support.



I'm familiar with the concept of feeling like an "other." The only girl, white person, intelligent person, whatever, in a group, when secretly, I'd really just like wear that dress of belonging. The past few days I'd been feeling a little lonely. I am very obviously not Chinese, so that puts me in an "other" category pretty quickly. And most of the foreigners I see living in ChaoYang are probably here for business and wear suits, carry briefcases, or at least have much better and more expensive tastes than my small town American self will ever endure. And a lot of them don't seem that friendly...I'd think we'd have some sort of comraderie, being strangers in a strange land, but smiles are not often returned, especially from women. I didn't realize it, but it was kinda getting me down. Thankfully I woke up today not really caring and had a great time cleaning the apartment, walking around the city and listening to wonderful music.

By the way, the subways are really clean and cheap, though often extremely crowded. There aren't a ton of supercool new electronics, but a lot of people play playstation doublescreens on the trains. And EVERYONE has a cell phone and EVERYONE text messages. I really and truly hate this!

I'm still trying to establish a good diet (Walmart has the only organic vegetables I've found,) and exercise routine. I have been doing yoga daily in the living room; thanks Liz, Norman, and Faye. Since it's vacation time, everyone goes out to eat a lot. If I'm with Chinese people, we order way too much food, eat really fast, and continue to pick at the dishes because we don't want to go outside. If I'm with other ex-pats, we usually eat American food, which is so expensive (relatively), and sparse that I want to eat all of what I'm served. And of course the street food and sweet snacks are delicious and mostly fried in oil. Funny how much I miss the good organic food from Nottingham, Open Sky, and Rolling Ground!




(So glad Cari is not riding on this saddle through Argentina. Or J-Dick messengering in Chicago. Although, it has springs...)

Temple Fair

(1.人山人海 = people mountain people sea = a lot of people.)
(2. Sugar coated fruit skewers.)
(3. Famous Lamb skewers. Loaded with MSG. Addictive.)


(Vases)

Some of the sites at the Temple Fair. Though these festivals used to have spiritual purposes, most now are basically carnivals. Think a county fair, but with no rides or games, just lots and lots of people walking around, buying things and having a good time. The city is still on vacation.








Today I also visited a very famous and old pharmacy. Here they sold ginseng roots for over a million yuan. There is a lot about Chinese medicine I don't understand, such as why snakes and lizards and ginseng together would ever be beneficial, but I'm sure there's something to it. My friend asked about what to take for a sore throat and the woman in the shop recommended xiyao, western medicine. Like many things in China, this traditional shop was being converted into a museum and the old culture being supplemented with western goods. But apparently there's some sort of pear soup/tea that is good for the cold and flu, and honeysuckle flowers brewed as a tea as well. I'm going to continue to investigate, Robin!


(They import a lot of ginseng from Wisconsin.)

(A park bridge with Spring Festival decorations)

Today is New Year's Eve. Tomorrow begins the Chinese year of the rat. The story I've heard goes like this: The emperor of heaven decided that there should be 12 animals in heaven to rule over the years of earth. To decide which beasts would receive this honor, the emperor held a race. The first 12 to reach heaven would be the winners. Now, the course was long and hard and it was the Ox, with her strength and endurance that approached the gates first. But just as she was about to cross the line, the rat hopped off her back and scurried across first and thereby winning the race. Rats are therefore known for their cunning and intelligence. Tomorrow I turn 24 in the Chinese way of counting, since I was born in 1984. This is a very auspicious year, the double of twelve, the second return of the rat.

The streets are absolutely empty as the city sort of shuts down for these few days. The air is rocked by what sounds like gunfire, bombs, and constant thunderstorms, but is really loads and loads of fireworks. (A tradition to scare away bad spirits that would enter the home in the new year.)

Tonight people will get together with friends and family, eat jiaozi (dumplings) and watch the Spring Festival Gala on CCTV. The performances are amazing. Since it's not a mainstream American holiday, I don't feel too lonely, but I do miss all of you. Thanks for the comments, questions, and encouragement!

新年快乐！

Just wondering...

(Bunny stencil, the first I've seen in Beijing. Follow the rabbit!)

So, um, what's really going on here, in China? People, folk, humans, trying to survive, endeavoring to live. Really, I'm sure it's the same no matter where you go.

But I can't get over how individualistic I, and others, seem to be in the USA; how oblivious to the rest of the world, and at the same time, how connected. Last year there were 35,000 foreigners studying Chinese in China. 5,000 were American. I haven't studied the economics of China's recent growth, but it's impossible not to contemplate how this country's development and finances are influencing everywhere else in the world. The buying power is staggering. A friend from college I met up with yesterday said, "Oh yeah, China financed the war in Iraq."

Beijingren

(A bicycle carriage for touring the Hutongs.)

It is currently about 34 degrees in Beijing and Soldier's Grove. There's no snow here, but news of the national emergency in the south of China is all over T.V.

Yesterday I met up with my UW-Madison Chinese tutor's younger brother and his friend and toured around the inner city. This experience was great for my Chinese, as the two were able to translate things when I didn't understand and were very kind and patient with my questions. There are many words I've forgotten but hearing them once seems enough to spank my brain back in to orbit. They also taught me a bit of Beijing hua, or local slang, which was quite fun and will hopefully be useful, as people attempting to take advantage will now maybe think I've lived here for a long time. And it makes me look cool with other ex-pats.

We started off the afternoon looking for guitars, as I really miss playing the one I left in the states. It was decided I would borrow one for the time being, and also that the three of us would start a band. Even though it was bit chilly, we strolled around the hutongs, very old neighborhoods with incredibly narrow streets and dilapidated buildings. We had dinner at a 200 year old restaurant serving "small things": you buy tickets and then visit different windows serving bite sized deliciousness. The boys had sheep's stomach and lung soup, while I was served some sort of warm gluten pudding and other sweet things. It was by far the strangest food I've eaten in country yet. Before heading home, the three of us walked along wangfujie, or gold street. There are no cars allowed and the area is full of tall buildings with lots of lights. Think times square.


(Sheep bits soup.)

(Small eats.)

Though both my new friends were born and raised in Beijing, they don't really like it. Both went to college and now work jobs with coveted salaries, but there is nothing they can do about not liking the city. Most people I talk to comment on Americans' freedom; the fact that I was able to pick up and move to a city in an entirely different country is pretty much not possible. They tell me Beijing has a lot of people coming from the county-side, migrant workers looking for a better life. I ask what they think goes through most people's heads when they see me or another foreigner on the street. They answer that either people think we're here to take money from China and exploit the country, or that we have a lot of money and maybe somehow they can get some. I feel a bit sad hearing this, that money is the first thing that comes to mind. But I am not surprised. Often I feel people on the street look at me with some sort of disgust or displeasure. And everywhere, EVERYWHERE, there are ads for western companies. In a country of Asian faces, I would guesstimate that 96% of models on billboards are white. The boys tell me a popular ad says, "If you really love her, take her to Häagen-Dazs." These two see the ridiculousness of such thinking, but obviously it's working, since Häagen-Dazs occupies prime real estate on Wangfujin. So does McDonalds, KFC, and NIKE.

(A block from my door, 'tis the view west off a foot bridge over JianGuoLu, Construction Kingdom Road.)

Got a cell phone today, and ventured out of ChaoYang to eat dinner with two Vietnamese Australian brothers who are friends of my friend's friend. There are lots of non-Chinese in the CDB, and I was beginning to feel like a Beijing person, not a foreign person. But at the small restaurant we went to, I was stared at for a full 3 minutes while we waited to find a seat. (Since the brothers are Asian, they don't get much attention.) The place was full of smoke, food was all over the tables and floors, and that casual lack of propriety I so love in China immediately put me at ease. Outside a man blew his nose on the street and our sixteen year old waitress was constantly sniffling and annoyed at out inability to communicate properly.



(Make your own pork burritos- delicious meat plus raw onions in tofu paper that is disquietly reminiscent of the Sure Wipes at APT.)

Feb 2.

Feb. 2

(The view from my bedroom window.)

I discovered yesterday that the district I live in is called ChaoYang, or the CDB, central business district in local slang. Closing down produce at the Viroqua Food Co-op, I once heard an "On Point" program about China. The guest, whose name I've forgotten, was very enthusiastic about the country's development and compared moving to Beijing or Shanghai right now as equivalent to moving to New York in the early 1920s. ChaoYang would be Manhatten, if not wallstreet in such a comparison. The rent on this apartment is 17,000 RMB per month. At the conversion rate of 7.187 RMB per US dollar, that's $2,365 US per month. The whole place is furnished and has appliances: dishwasher, oven, refrigerator, water cooler, washing machine, T.V. Electricity is bought separately at the front desk.

(I realized this only after a very confusing conversation with the clerk who was trying to explain that she had a receipt for me. I think they are very annoyed with me, since I can't seem to figure out anything that has to do with this apartment such as the phone or intercom system and I seem to loose all my Chinese as soon as I walk in the front doors. I think it's because I don't really feel like I belong in this place; it is too high class for me to feel comfortable. I'm much more at home, (and my language skills are better) talking to vendors on the street or people spitting on the sidewalk. Not in ChaoYang.)

(Beijing, in a photo.)



Yesterday evening I met up with a friend from Madison who's been in Beijing for almost two years now. Working as a tutor and a proctor, she struggles to get by. It's not a cheap place to live and finding jobs in Beijing can be very difficult. Even though my friend has spent years studying Mandarin and is very proficient, most things in this city revolve around guanxi (关系), connections, which are not always easy to navigate.

After taking a taxi to my friend's friend's place, I hung out for a couple hours with the people who lived there. Three 20 somethings all born and raised in Beijing, their apartment was in a hutong district, but once inside looked just like any American city dwellers': very messy with lots of take out containers and cat hair. We chatted in English and Chinese and everyone got ready to go clubbing. MAC cosmetics were applied, CK black shirts found. Wearing a Marmot jacket and running shoes, I felt a bit out of place when we arrived at club MIX, but our passes were waiting for us and a table was reserved in the upstairs with fresh fruit, cigarettes, and two bottles of Johnny Walker Black. The place was bumping; I've hardly ever seen so many beautiful people wearing such interesting clothing. Kicking back on the sofa watching BET videos and being inundated with flashing lights and loud hip-pop, for a moment I really wanted to be home in Wisconsin playing in the snow. But soon enough the whiskey got to me and before the night was out I'd met foreigners from Dubai, Sweden, and Libya and was best friends with a gay personal assistant who looked like a Chinese David Bowie with scarlet hair.

(MIX dance floor.)





If anyone's ever told you not to go shopping when you're hungry for fear of buying too much, I recommend going when you're hungover. NOTHING looks appetizing. But I'd been subsisting on Russell's stupendous granola and instant noodles for the past few days and it was time for a change. I'd tried to find a grocery store the last two times I went out and this morning broke down and went to Wal-Mart. Yeah, I know. I know.

Wal-mart in China is a bit different than in the states. For one thing, the superstore next to my apartment in in the basement of a highrise. No windows at all. And while they do sell almost everything there, about 3/5ths of the space is taken up by food- fruits, veggies, deli, bakery, meat, and packaged foods. Milk and eggs are not refrigerated, but the abundant and pourable yogurt is. And of course, what Chinese food market would be complete without the live fish, crustaceans, and turtles that one purchases still moving to take home and prepare fresh? I wonder a lot about these animal's lives before they come to the store, and about all the other meat that seems to be prolifically unavoidable in this country. I realize I was rather spoiled working at the co-op, surrounded by local and fresh organic produce. And I knew I was opulently pampered at my parent's home, where every dinner seemed to include food from our garden and meat harvested with respect in the wild or raised with care by someone I knew. Watching two Chinese customers sort through a pile of skinned cow's legs, I had that thought, the thought: "What the hell am I doing here?"



(鸡)




（看乌龟 (turtle) 让我有很哀伤的感觉)

But, as Ben Afleck says in Chasing Amy, perhaps you can't appreciate the sweet without the sour. Or, maybe you can, but, "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain," Kahlil Gibran, The Profit.

Miss y'all.